Postsecrets

I should listen to more Tears for Fears

Break it down again

So those are my dreams

And these are my eyes

Stand tall like a man

Headstrong like a horse

When it's all mixed up

Better break it down

In the world of secrets

In the world of sound

It's the way you're always hiding from the light

See for yourself you have been sitting on a time bomb

No revolution maybe someone somewhere else

Could you show me something new about you and your inner song?

And all the love and all the love in the world

Won't stop the rain from falling

Waste seeping underground

I want to break it down

Break it down again

So these are my schemes

And these are my plans

Hot tips for the boys

Fresh news from the force

When it's all mixed up

Better break it down

In the world of silence

In the world of sound

"no sleep for dreaming" say the architects of life

Big bouncing babies, bread and butter can I have a slice

They make no mention of the beauty of decay

Blue, yellow, pink umbrella save it for a rainy day

And all the love and all the love in the world

Won't stop the rain from falling

Waste seeping underground

I want to break it down

Horsin' around

Pray to power

Play to the crowd with your big hit sound

And they won't simmer won't simmer, won't simmer down

Play to the crowd

Play to the crowd

Play yeah yeah

It's in the way you're always hiding from the light

Fast off to heaven just like Moses on a motorbike

No revolution maybe someone somewhere else

With the ups and downs

I want to break it down

Break it down again

Break it down again

No more sleepy dreaming

No more building up

It is time to dissolve

Break it down again

No more sleepy dreaming.

Original Blog Entitled "Chantepleure" mood-curious (with updates)

definition- to sing and weep simultaneously

The Buddihist say that to be able to fully feel two opposing emotions at once is the way to know you're on the right path. Something like that, I'm no good with qoutes off the top. But I really like this word, chantepleure, because for to me explains that notion clearly. While both songs and tears can come from a variety of emotions, traditionally we'd think first singing=joy, weeping=sorrow.

Right now I'm working with an anxious and angry stomach, a throat with several lumps, an always confused/silly/joyous brain, and a body so giddy I would even dance to a set by Shepard Fairey. I like the way it feels, but only because many Masters have described it as an admirable way to live. But before I breathe into these tensions and joys to soften em up, I would like to explore a bit more.

So here's the thing. I love Obama like the next guy. I saw a speech years ago where he looked out into the audience lovingly and said to one crowd, "You're still chanting?!" It blew my mind, I was hooked. I wanted him to be president. Nuff said.

Fast forward to 2008. I began to introduce myself to contemporary conspiracy theories, many of which match ideas I came up with on my own as a youth (being watched constantly. Television mind control. Also, I been thinking certain people were hella aliens/reptiles for a long time. If we are to believe that certain beings, ie. Sun Ra, came to Earth from another planet with Love and Healing vibrations why would I not believe that some came in darkness? I digress, but not really)

To keep this blahg short and sweet, one day I developed a severe distrust for President Obama. It was so strong and clear,and it radiated from my heart in not an angry way, but in more of a, "Wake up little sister" way. It'd been a hard road since, and to be quite honest I didn't know up until looking at my ballot whether or not I'd still vote for him. In the end I did of course. I did it for my ma, and for how he made me feel when I first saw him. I did it for hope. Not just for the country, but also for the hope that I'm severely mistaken in my distrust.

I don't like group-think. It sickens me to the core. Though I am fully aware that I am involved in it often, I like to believe that I spend my time with a wiser and more conscious "group", so it's not as bad. That being said, how could I possibly go against someone so many people I love and respect are going so strongly for. Know first that I don't give a flying fowl about this most frightening and manipulative government. I don't like the idea of anyone telling us what to do at all. Yet, I realize that they don't even have to tell us what to do, when they create how we think.

I went against my instinct. I would like to say I don't know how I feel about it, but I do. Confused. I like seeing you all so happy. I like large crowds hugging and crying in joy. I want a miracle for this country, so much. So I joined back in with the crowd. I did what you all wanted me to do. You're welcome bitches (j/k).

The only true revolution is already beginning in our own hearts. That's where I'm keeping the majority of my faith, in my heart and yours.

I love you, and don't be mad at me. I voted, right?

Update- I think it's really cute how sweet and gentle I was in presenting what in actuality was a very disturbing feeling I was experiencing. I was already completely knowledgeable about the fact that we had all been horribly duped. I voted for him because, why not? To be quite honest, that was a fucking scary day. I was faking it all so hard, and I still don't know why. Would I respect myself more if I hadn't wasted my time and gone against my own wishes by voting? Who could ever know, because I did vote. It felt like how it feels to sleep with someone who doesn't really care about you. It felt like, "I gave myself to you for what? A free coffee at Starbucks. Fuck off, keep your 'I Voted' sticker." I treated it like I do when I eat fast food or masturbate- I got rid of the evidence quickly, and pretended it never happened. 

My original thoughts on election day.

I am attempting to create a blog to express how I feel about the current situation happening in our world. I attempted to copy a blog I wrote on myspace the day Obama was elected, but for some reason I haven't been able to copy and paste it here. Basically what I said was that a few weeks previously to the election, I developed a severe distrust of Barack Obama. Since the election I've seen my world fall apart and come back together again everyday. Literally, everyday I have a crisis of consciousness, that eventually is lifted by the love and beauty I see all around me. 

I will not deny that I am an angry lady, nor that I live in a state of confusion that is borderline depression. Sometimes I feel quite insane in fact. I don't go out as much anymore. I don't get laid (but that was going on long before the election). I hide things about myself, and I feel helpless and alone. Yet, on the flip side, I feel myself growing stronger everyday. I feel as though I am beginning to understand what it means to be a warrior. There is no comfort in battle, whether physical, mental, or spiritual. My addictions are still prevalent, but seem to be taking a back seat to my need to understand more about the who, what, & whys of how it all got this way. 

Yes, I am a conspiracy believer. That is only because I feel it is the true history, as well as the most informed current news. I cannot give advice, I attempt to hold back my criticisms, but I cannot resist the internal drive to inform and thus "WAKE" other people up. 

This is not a joke right now. We are in serious danger. We must first learn to grasp the notion that our way of life (the American, and even better the CALIFORNIAN!) is soon coming to an end. I do not believe the whole world will end. And I firmly believe that there is a consciousness shift that will eventually bring about world peace. But let us all just imagine, in a world like this, how hard is it going to be to bring about this peace?

First we must start by understanding the truth. It's an ugly thing, my friends. Wake up little brothers and sisters. We gotta hold on to each other real tight, and quit playing games. Watch television with a critical mind. Learn more about how to survive without all the items we've come to believe are "necessary". Learn how to love without limits. Learn to unlearn.

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